Letting Go…

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“The feud is O-V-E-R…I don’t know how at a fashion show in a room full of 100′s of people @officialtamiroman and I could have such a deep convo, get so much off our chest, make peace and hug it out. I swear it was like no one else was there. #Growth #Forgiveness #RealSh*t”…

I posted this Saturday night and with this IG/twitter post, came sooooo many questions and comments. Everybody had something to say “Is this for real?”  ”Yayyyy! Finally!” “Meeka, do you trust that she is being genuine?” “Why not sooner?” “Don’t believe her!” “She’s lying, she’s just trying to save her image.”  They were coming at me from every angle: on twitter, the blogs, instagram, text, email, and even during interviews.  I did my best not to respond. I retweeted the positive comments from fans and that was it. The way I saw it,  Tami and I had moved on and that was that.  I had said what I had to say, or so I thought.

 After a couple days and, what felt like, a billion questions last night I was hit with the most mind boggling comment of them all. My husband looked at me and said, “I can’t front, I’m disappointed in you”.  Normally I could care less what people think but this was my husband. His opinion is one of the very few that actually matters to me.  At first, I was confused. I was like “Huh???” “Disappointed in me???” But then he told me why and I got it. When you love somebody and watch helplessly as someone else constantly berates them and attacks them, it takes a toll on you too. You feel like you can never forget, let alone, forgive the person you feel caused them so much hurt.

I understand where Speedy is coming from, it hurt him to see me going through so much.  I went through a lot dealing with the girls on that show.  I’m a private person and there was so much more going on with me than I let on. Aside from Speedy, not too many people knew exactly what all I was dealing with.  A little over a month before filming started in Miami, I noticed my right eye was bulging out of my head. Nervous that it was the result of a tumor, I went to the doctor and he ran tests. The CT Scan came back negative, I thought I’d be relieved but I wasn’t.  I was 31 and I knew my body, something was definitely wrong. I saw a few specialists including an Opthalmologist and they couldn’t find anything. It wasn’t until I went to NYC’s top Endocrinology Specialist that I was diagnosed. 2 weeks before filming, I was officially diagnosed with Graves Disease.

I went through 2 months of radioactive treatment and had to have my thyroid removed. My hair fell out and I lost a lot of weight. I needed something to take my mind off of what I was going through with my illness/treatment and I thought being on the show, new experiences, and working to expand my Atlanta based real estate company to Miami was the answer.  Needless to say, I was dead wrong.  Evelyn made fun of my bulging eyes every chance she got, Tami picked a fight every time we were together and Shaunie cackled at every bit of it all the way to the bank.  They made my experience miserable but I never showed it. I never wanted to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they were essentially “breaking my spirit”. I dreaded filming each day and wondered what happened to all the “showcasing of the lifestyle of basketball wives” like I was told by the producers was supposed to the premise for season 3.

In the end, I learned a lot.  I am a successful black woman that loves to see other women doing big things. I’m not a crab, I’m never trying to pull other girls back down to the bottom. I don’t stunt other women’s growth.  I always said “there’s enough [success] for us all to get some.” I learned that not everybody is like me.

And like I told Speedy, “I refuse to waste my life away worrying about them. That chick ‘Karma’, she’s a b*tch and I’ve been too blessed in my life to stress about the past and hold on to hate.  God got me!”.

So do I forgive Tami…yes, I do. It took a lot for  her to humble herself and approach me with an apology and I respect AND appreciate that. We had a deep convo. She opened up to me and I did the same. For awhile, I thought I was over it all but I guess I wasn’t.  I got everything that I’d been holding in off my chest and I left all the negative ish in that room. I walked away feeling a sense of closure to the most negative chapter in my life to date and that to me…is priceless.

#ReadyForTheNext&BestChapterYet ;-)

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